Better Lost Than Found
by WatchForDragonFire
Summary: Someone has mommy issues that come back to haunt him.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer_: Hullo. If I owned Inuyasha, I'd be rich. I am not.

* * *

**Better Lost Than Found**

* * *

Sometimes things were better lost than found. Sure, there had been times he had missed that feeling of connection. The knowledge that - at least once in his life - _someone_ had cared - if only for a moment - whether he lived or died.

For over a century, he'd focused on fighting. Seeking out battles at every turn to distract himself from the almost unbearable loneliness and gnawing ache in his heart. A heart that even a mother hadn't loved. At least now he wasn't lonely anymore. One less thing.

Shaking his head to rid his head of these depressing thoughts, InuYasha sighed softly as he watched the morning ritual that had become his new normal. The monk per the norm glanced around before subtly moving towards Sango - obviously intending on getting his morning grope in before they headed off. Nose in her textbook, Kagome was trying to get a few minutes of studying in with Shippo curled up in her lap. The slayer was polishing her weapon with tender, loving care - occasionally watching the monk with wary anticipation. Overall it was a stable, steady routine unlike any he had ever known.

Even when he was a small child, he'd never had a routine he could rely on. There was never any way to predict how his mother would be. Some days she was lovely and all smiles. Hours of being showered with affection and lessons that he honestly didn't mind because they had been moments when he had her undivided attention. Other days...

Other days she would stare straight through him. Her movements would be slow and forced. Sometimes she didn't even bother getting out of bed.

And then one morning she was gone without a trace. No scent trail to follow. No note to let him know where she'd gone. For _weeks_ he waited. Hoping no one would notice that he'd been left behind. Hoping that she'd come back. Telling himself that she loved him and would never, _never _leave him without saying anything.

He'd been wrong.

Not that it mattered anymore. He'd long since moved on and buried the memory of his mother both literally and figuratively. After what he deemed a long enough period of time, he'd made a grave stone not so much for her but for himself. There was some closure in it. Wherever she'd gone, she died decades earlier. By doing this, anything he might've owed her for his existence was satisfied in his opinion.

And then, of course, Sesshomaru had to open old wounds that had never really healed. His mother...just as he remembered...appearing before his eyes. Finally, finally he'd gotten an answer. She _hadn't_ abandoned him. She had _died_. For a moment, he was so relieved he hadn't even cared her scent wasn't the same and he'd almost died because of it. Sometimes it was better for things to remain lost instead of being found. He wanted those answers so badly as it turned out that reason had been wiped from his mind. If it wasn't for Kagome...

Yes, without Kagome his life would've been so different in so many ways. He wouldn't have found sanctuary in a world that had never felt safe. After everything he'd endured, he finally found shelter and peace thanks to her. No place had ever been home but times had changed. Kagome was his home and wherever she went, he would also.

Lips twitching upwards at the sight of the slayer slapping the ever loving shit out of the monk, he rolled his eyes before stretching his arms over his head and rolling gracefully out of the tree and onto the ground. Just as he was about to bark orders to get a move on, a heartbreakingly familiar carried on the wind.

'_So close. Come home. Come home. Find me...'_

"The fuck..." InuYasha breathed as nervous amber eyes scanned the area for the source before he shook his head. That was impossible. A memory maybe. It was just the proximity to the palace that was bringing all these things into his mind. Thinking of his mother just exacerbating the pain he buried deep, _deep_ inside.

"Are you okay?" came Kagome's concerned voice. Of course she'd notice. She damn near always was able to read him like a book. Not that she knew what he was thinking but...

"I'm fine. We're just wasting daylight," he lied with a huff of frustration. The others sighed slightly but he knew they agreed.

"Supposedly the jewel shard is nearby," Miroku opined thoughtfully, "And there is also a fortress nearby. Perhaps we may find some leads there."

Inuyasha's eyes widened in mild horror before he masked his expression and turned away.

"Doubt it," he lied in what he hoped was a convincing tone, "We just need to keep heading north."

"Don't you _always_ throw a fit if he don't follow every lead?" Kagome replied knowingly as she arched a single brow, "We should see if they know anything, don't you think?"

Damn. She had him there. What could he say that wouldn't reveal too much but still make them avoid the place he swore he'd never visit again?

"That ain't no lead," InuYasha clipped back in an annoyed tone as he turned back around and glared, "The monk just wants to scam his way into a meal and place to sleep."

"I'm so hurt," Miroku gasped in mock offense as he placed a hand over his heart, "I would never take advantage of a villager's hospitality."

"Uh huh, _sure_," InuYasha snorted as he began waking forward, "Whatever. Let's just keep..."

'_Come home...'_

_"_Going_," _the hanyou finished in a disconcerted tone. There it was again. Floating on the breeze like the most natural thing in the world. InuYasha glanced around with a small frown before shifting his shoulders and carrying on. The subtle shift in his expression went over the heads of all his companions except one.

Groaning when he heard Kagome catch up, InuYasha tried his best to keep his expression neutral.

"Are you okay?" Kagome ask barely above a whisper as she cast him a concerned side-eyed glance. When he didn't respond, he heard her inhale deeply before pressing the issue, "Is there something about this fortress you don't like? Did they..."

Cringing, Kagome couldn't bring herself to ask whether they'd hurt him. First of all, he wouldn't admit it. Second, a part of her didn't want to know. It seemed like every time she learned something _else_ terrible that had happened to the man she loved her heart broke a little more. Still...

"Did something _happen_ there?" Kagome amended tentatively, "We don't have to go if...if you don't want..."

InuYasha kept his mouth shut and opted for a side-eyed glare. He knew, just knew, if he picked a fight over this he'd end up giving too much away. After a tense silence, he heard her disappointed sigh before she fell back and he let out a disappointed sigh himself. A part of him wanted her to press the issue while the rest of him stubbornly ordered that rebellious part to mind it's own damn business. So what if they stayed the night in that hellhole and waited out the rain? It was arguably better than camping out in a cave. Besides it wasn't like anyone there would even know who the hell he was. More than a hundred years had passed since the last time he'd even laid eyes on that poor excuse of a palace. He'd moved on dammit. It wasn't like...

"We'll go to the damn fortress," InuYasha announced - forcing as much disdain into his tone as he could, "But if they don't have a lead, we're heading out. Got that?"

He steeled himself as another breeze carried that voice on the wind.

* * *

He was wrong. _So_ wrong when he told himself he'd moved on. That it wouldn't bother him to lay eyes on this hellhole again. Stomach churning, he tried to focus on slowing his racing heart as he eyed the not-so-distant wooden walls wearily. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to run far, _far_ away. To put distance between the thing that promised nothing but pain. But what could he really do at this point short of exposing his darkest secret to the first friends he'd ever had? It wasn't their rejection he feared but their pity. More specifically _her_ pity. Kagome would _undoubtedly_ cry for him. Each salty droplet would rake against his very soul and making him feel endlessly confused. Why that woman always...

"Look it's a villager," Kagome suddenly blurted out in surprise making InuYasha tense and hone in on the well dressed man hurrying towards them. As subtly as he could the hanyou inched towards Kagome - trying to focus on the miko's soothing presence to calm his own nerves.

"Is it you?" the newcomer breathed as he muscled past a confused Sango and Miroku to stand before the increasingly green half-demon and repeated hoarsely, "Is it you?"

InuYasha cringed as his mind flat lined in panic and he blindly groped for Kagome's hand - desperately seeking the feeling of safety and comfort she always provided. It didn't even register that he moved at all.

'_So close.._.'

His grip tightened and he subtly shifted closer still to the miko. For the first time since he was a child, he felt truly vulnerable and on a subconscious level, he knew she'd protect him from whatever ugliness the world was about to throw at him. The sanctuary she'd built for him had - in many ways - was the only thing that had ever made him feel _safe_. In this moment, he _needed_ that feeling only she could provide that nothing would ever hurt him again. That everything would be alright.

"Are you talking to me?" Kagome asked awkwardly as she stared dumbly at Inuyasha's hand in hers. Never, _never_ had Inuyasha done such a thing. Sure on occasion she'd made the move to hold his hand but he always seemed to _begrudgingly_ accept and there was an uncomfortable tenseness to it. This...if she didn't know better she would've _sworn _InuYasha was acting...

Just what the heck did this guy do to him?

"No, no," the man laughed shakily as his brown eyes continued to search the hanyou's uneasy visage before asking point blank, "Are you the half-demon InuYasha?"

Inhaling sharply, the half-demon in question gripped the miko's hand so tightly she thought it might break before he snarled angrily.

"Who the _fuck_ wants to know?!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer_: Hullo. If I owned Inuyasha, I'd be rich. I am not.

* * *

**Better Lost Than Found**

* * *

_Who the fuck wants to know?!"_

The man ignored the crass comment as he wilted with relief and let out a choked sob.

"We've been waiting for your return for over a hundred winters," the man managed as he bowed low and shook with emotion, "Please do us the honor of returning."

"What did you do?" Kagome whispered quietly as she cast the obviously shell shocked hanyou a worried look. Shaking his head subtly, he swallowed before glancing at the others who seemed equally confused by this turn of events.

"You've met him before then," Miroku finally broke the tense silence as he look to the hanyou for some kind of explanation. The man again ignored the question as he fell to his knees and gripped the fire rat robe desperately.

"I'm begging you. Please return," the man begged tearfully, "We were wrong. It was..."

"Is this a joke?" InuYasha finally managed to snap back with no lack of bite. His free hand pushing the man onto his ass as the hanyou towered over him, "You honestly expect me to believe that _generations_ of our family felt bad enough..."

"Wait, _our_ family? Is this your relative?" Sango interjected as her chocolate eyes whipped back towards the man currently scrambling to get on his knees again.

"You don't understand," the man sobbed as he once again tried to grab at the fire rat robe, "I was there. I was _there_. We _all_ were there. You were so young I do not blame you for not remembering but after you left..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kagome interrupted as she pointlessly tried to get InuYasha to release her probably bruised hand and addressed the half-demon directly, "Back up. Okay, so you're related to this guy?"

InuYasha groaned but nodded curtly as he glared at the man and pushed him forcefully away. Kagome sighed shakily before addressing the possibly insane man who had eyes only for the hanyou.

"And you're saying..." Kagome paused as she tried to ask the question on probably everyone's mind, "You're saying that you were there when he was a child. You _personally_. Not as in you know stories or anything."

The man shot her a withering glare that clearly screamed '_obviously_' before turning his attention back to the half-demon once more.

"Okay..." Kagome breathed nervously as she looked back at InuYasha who was looking more disgusted and upset by the minute, "So...so...okay, help me here. How is this possible?"

"He cursed us," the man clipped back before cringing and groveling, "Not that we didn't deserve it. Our actions were completely abhorrent. Please allow us to make amends."

"I didn't fucking curse you," InuYasha snapped angrily as he yanked on Kagome's hand and began storming away, "And this ain't my problem."

"InuYasha," Kagome sighed exasperatedly as she was literally dragged behind him, "They're your family. Don't you at least..."

"No," he cut her off as he picked up his pace, "Let them suffer. I don't give a shit."

"What did they do to you?" Kagome asked with a frustrated huff before a sickening realization set in, "Did they...did they kill your mom?"

InuYasha cringed and dragged the miko in front of him.

"Mother left me behind," he snapped angrily - ancient hurt lingering beneath his gaze, "Disappeared without saying anything. None of those assholes gave a shit about me. Her included. Why should I give a shit about..."

'_Come home...'_

"About them?" InuYasha finished lamely - the anger vanishing from his tone as he unconsciously glanced back towards the fortress.

'_Come home. Find me. Find me...'_

_"_Well maybe they know why," Kagome pointed out as she took in his reaction, "Maybe she's there with them. Don't you at least want to see?"

'_So close. So loved. Come home...'_

"No," he replied absently as continued staring at the wooden walls with a disconcerted look, "Can't say that I do."

'_You are so loved. So loved. Find me...'_

He glanced at the man weeping on all fours on the brownish grass and tried to place him in his fuzzy memories. His scent was familiar. The man smelled so much like mother. An uncle or even possibly a close cousin.

Sighing heavily, InuYasha dragged Kagome behind him until he was standing before the man again.

"Is she here?" InuYasha spat angrily as the man looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.

"No, no, she...we believed she left with you," the man replied hoarsely as he cowered and looked defeated, "Did she not?"

'_So close...'_

Huffing once in exasperation, Inuysha finally let go of Kagome's hand and the miko swore softly before rubbing it to get the blood flowing again. The hanyou raised his eyes and looked at Miroku.

"You got anything?" InuYasha challenged as he narrowed his amber eyes. If the monk didn't feel any type of disturbance...

"There..." Miroku began tightly before clearing his throat and closing his eyes - clearly trying to focus, "There is something here. An ominous presence."

"Are you shitting me or do you actually feel something?" InuYasha snarled angrily - if the monk was lying just to get a free meal...oh he'd kill the bastard himself.

'_Find me. Find me..._'

"I would never..." the monk began weakly before sighing in defeat, "There is truly a dark aura here. I would not toy with you my friend. Not under these circumstances."

'_So close...'_

InuYasha huffed once in frustration before glaring down at the desperate looking man.

"Well it's your lucky day asshole," InuYasha began in a disgusted tone of voice, "We'll break this stupid curse but we ain't cheap and if any of you try to talk to me, I'll fucking kill you."

"Of course, of course. Anything," the man choked back a sob as he groveled so low his nose touched the dirt, "Thank you. Thank you."

'_Thank you...my boy...my precious boy...InuYasha...' _


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer_: Hullo. If I owned Inuyasha, I'd be rich. I am not.

My Love Will Never Die - Claire Wyndham

OH NOES MY UPLOAD MESSED UP! FIXED! GOMEN!

* * *

**Better Lost Than Found**

* * *

True to his word, the man never addressed InuYasha directly - rather anything he had to say he made sure was said to the monk who apparently had been presumed the second in command.

"Would you and your comrades desire some tea before you retire?" the man asked anxiously as he wrung his hands, "Or some sake could be provided if that is what you are accustomed to. Perhaps even some..."

"We have all we need," Miroku interrupted with uncharacteristic discomfort, "Thank you."

"It isn't necessary for all of you to share one room," the man continued anxiously as he chanced a glance at the irritable looking hanyou, "It would be no trouble - no trouble at all - to provide each of you with your own accommodations."

"We are accustomed to sharing," the monk tried to comfort as he forced a smile onto his face, "This is more than sufficient."

"Is there anything in particular that you or your comrades would prefer for breakfast?" the man continued as he continued wringing his hands, "It would be no..."

"Whatever you provide will be fine," the monk sighed heavily - wanting more than anything for this man to leave them alone so they could discuss whatever was going on without prying eyes, "It has been a long journey and we are all very tired. Thank you for your hospitality."

"It is no trouble. Truly," the man breathed with a watery smile, "Anything you or your comrades need do not hesitate to ask. I pray you rest well."

Unwilling to give the suffocating host find another time to come up with something else they might need, Miroku quickly shut the door and bolted it for good measure.

"I thought he would never leave," Miroku sighed wearily as he moved to the corner and slid down onto the floor. Sango hummed in agreement as she ran her hand down the kitten sized Kilala's back. The accommodations they had been given were extravagant in every way. The walls were adorned with elegant murals; the futons covered in the finest silk; jade adorned all of the furnishings, the doors and even the small, well stocked hearth. It was obviously not meant for visitors or even the average run of the mill villagers. It was a lord's quarters. A very, _very_ wealthy lord's quarters.

"They must be very wealthy," Sango opined thoughtfully - hoping to break some of the tension that permeated the air.

"Myouga doesn't call me a Lord for nothing," InuYasha huffed - his arms subtly tightening across his chest as he shifted his weight, "My grandfather was the shogun of this region. This used to be his room. Dunno who had it after he died."

"So you would've inherited all this," Miroku breathed jealously before adding quickly, "Assuming you were the first born male heir, of course."

InuYasha snorted but otherwise didn't reply. If he'd been..._normal_, with a human father who had married rather than mated his mother, yeah he _would've_ been set for life. Instead, he was a bastard half-breed who didn't deserve to breathe the same...

A soft gasp escaped him when he felt Kagome's fingers nimbly scratch the base of his neck before working upwards onto his scalp. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to whimper or moan or...or...

Letting out a shuddering breath, he leaned back into her touch and closed his eyes. She'd been doing that more and more recently whenever she could tell he was upset. The first time had been an accident - he had been injured in some way he couldn't remember and she'd just...god, she could do this forever.

"Maybe this will make more sense tomorrow," Kagome offered as she continued her skillful torture and InuYasha subtly shook his head to get her fingers where he wanted. This whole situation was such a hot mess, she thought miserably. Whatever they'd done in the past, the villagers all seemed to be going out of their way to appease him which only served to make the poor guy that much more uncomfortable. InuYasha, for his part, seemed to be radiating anxiety and had pretty much been _clinging_ to her ever since they got here. Like he believed if he stopped paying attention to her for one second she'd vanish. Although, if she thought about it, that probably was _exactly_ why he was being so needy given the fact his mother had disappeared right under his nose.

'_Hold tight to your memories...'_

Whipping her head towards the door, Kagome's hand froze as she blinked once in surprise. That whisper sounded so familiar. She could have _sworn_she heard that voice before.

'_Find me. Find me.__..'_

"Did anyone else hear that?" Kagome asked quietly as she furrowed her brow and lowered her hand. Sango and Miroku shook their heads but reached for their weapons nonetheless. InuYasha, however, just sighed.

"It's just the wind. Ignore it," he ordered dismissively as he idly scratched his nose, "You're just paranoid. Nothing's there."

"I could've..." Kagome trailed off as she cast Inuyasha a worried glance before shaking her head, "Must be imagining things."

"Why don't we survey the area," Sango offered - already on her feet and fastening her slayer garb more securely in place - before she addressed the monk, "Come with me."

InuYasha glowered at them before rolling his eyes. Yeah, he wasn't stupid and they weren't doing a patrol. Probably wanted some time to themselves to discuss his own pathetic life where he couldn't really eavesdrop. He'd still hear, of course, but it'd give them some peace of mind so he wasn't about to shut down their speculation. There was a another reason for them to head out, he groaned internally. The second they left...

"So you really are a Lord," Kagome hummed as her hand once again worked into his hair and her fingernails scratched just how he like. In turn, InuYasha sent her an accusatory glance. She couldn't fool him. She could scratch all she wanted but it wouldn't work. He was onto her. She was trying to get him to relax enough to talk but the underworld would...would freeze...

An involuntary shiver ran down his spine when she hit that perfect spot and he subconsciously leaned into her touch.

"Yeah," he breathed as his lips twitched upwards, "Used to be anyway."

Damn woman. This was playing dirty.

"Huh. Well now I can say I have connections," Kagome teased as she trailed her fingers down his neck and watched knowingly as he subtly bit his lip and closed his eyes.

"Dunno about _that_," Inuyasha chuckled bitterly before he let out a long sigh, "I know what you're doing ya know."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kagome answered a little too innocent as she drug her nails against the nape of his neck making him shudder slightly.

"I already told you what I know," InuYasha snorted as he reached up and gently removed her hand, "She just...well she left so I did too. No point sticking around."

"Because the others here treated you badly?" Kagome asked leadingly as she scooted further into his personal space bubble and leaned her head on his shoulder. Groaning internally, InuYasha felt torn between pushing her away and dragging her into his lap. He choose to act indifferent instead and hoped she'd let it go.

"I'll take that as a yes," Kagome sighed sadly as she took his silence for affirmation. After a moment's hesitation, she reached forward and intertwined her fingers in his before continuing, "Well hopefully this will be an easy fix and we won't have to stay very long. To be...to be honest I wouldn't have let us come here if I had..."

"Just go to sleep Kagome," InuYasha interrupted softly as he retracted his hand and moved a little distance away, "Got a long day tomorrow."

Swallowing thickly, he tried to ignore the scent of her pain and disappointment as she stared at him with some unidentifiable emotion. Sure, he knew she cared about him and wanted him to open up to her but it wasn't that easy for him to talk about these things and well, she had no business giving him that kind of look. Sympathy, understanding, anger, hurt, disappointment, happiness, nervousness, _hunger_...you name an emotion and it was there. Like the colors of a very confused and messy rainbow. It was too much to decipher so all it did was piss him off and the last thing he wanted was to be angry with her tonight. It was a relief when he heard her soft snores a few hours later. Such a relief...

It was some time later that Kagome whined softly as some unknown no good, very annoying sound woke her up. Her tired mind angry and yet confused by the notable lack of sound other than the storm raging outside. A loud clap of thunder seemingly answered the question of what woke her up and she groaned before rolling over to snuggle against the silken sheets.

'_My Love, my love, my fearless love...'_

Any lingering drowsiness was instantly wiped from her mind as she sat bolt upright and glanced around anxiously for the source. That voice again. Haunting, faint and mesmerizing. It sounded so familiar and yet utterly unnatural at the same time. Almost like an echo.

And he'd told her she was hearing things. That _jerk_.

Taking inventory of her friends, Kagome sighed shakily as she counted them one by one. Miroku was passed out on his futon as was Sango on hers. Shippo was fast asleep against Kilala and InuYasha...

Straining to find the normally easily spotted silver hair, it took Kagome an agonizingly long time to realize he wasn't there.

'_I will not say goodbye...'_

"InuYasha?" Kagome hissed quietly as she carefully got up and tiptoed across the tatami flooring, "InuYasha, where are you?"

'_Seas may rise, skies may fall...'_

Heart pounding in her ears, Kagome reached for the sliding door with shaking fingers and did her best to open it without waking the others. The rain was still pouring down angrily amidst the courtyard below - although the entry way was protected by a generous overhang. Shivering slightly in the sharp cold air, Kagome slid the door shut behind her and rubbed her arms as she tried to spot her missing friend.

'_My love will never die...'_

"Inu..." Kagome was about to hiss when she saw him. Standing a short distance away - his back to her as he looked into a strange bronze mirror that seemed to warp in the moonlight it reflected. The surface of the glass was foggy at best with large black splotches that revealed its age.

"There you are," Kagome sighed in relief as she began walking towards him, "I was wondering where..."

'_Oh I may weep forevermore..._'

Kagome's heart nearly stopped when she saw a small silver tendril waft towards the suddenly rippling mirror - saw the hanyou's body sag slightly and watched him fall to one knee.

"No!" Kagome gasped as she raced towards him with her hand outstretched - the silver wisp was more visible the closer she came, seemingly escaping from his mouth as blank amber eyes continued to focus on the ancient bronze monstrosity, "No**, **_no,_** no! Uh, uh sit boy! SIT!"**

As InuYasha slammed to the ground, the mirror began churning - the metal molten and hot building in intensity as the young miko slid to her knees and tried to shield the half-demon with her body. A clap of thunder. A brilliant flash of white light.

And then she was gone.

'_My love will never die...'_


End file.
